anatomy is destiny

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My conversation with Walker Thornton starts here.


“Maybe as we get older one of the wonderful things we gain is the confidence to follow our own desires and thinking around what feels right for our bodies. And to defy convention?”


Perhaps because I’m a bit of a fatalist to begin with, I tend to go with the much maligned Freud and believe that “anatomy is destiny.” 

If you accept that we are human animals, then like all animals, our purpose is to reproduce, and that means we are subject to the inevitable mating dance of life that we are programmed to dance.

Men are forever attracted to young women because they can produce off-spring, young women have to attract the best mate, thus old women, yadda yadda…  

I remember when Billy Crystal remarked about Susan Sarandon’s breasts, calling them “puppies” at the Oscars years ago.

Though others may disagree, I thought it was a sweet remark, because her breasts really did look like two sleeping puppies nestled in her bodice.

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cleave to me, in a luscious way



This is an ongoing discussion between Walker Thornton and I, it was inspired by the Harvey Weinstein controversy and Donna Karan’s reaction to the allegations against him. The thread starts here.    


You say, Why can’t women have both, why can’t we be both physically sexy and happily sexual, and comfortable with both? And rightly conclude that society has issues with older women who want to celebrate their own sexuality.

I remember all the fuss over Susan Sarandon’s cleavage, which only served to emphasize the ageism in our culture.

It’s not like we’re sexy and then on some specific day it’s all over.

A woman’s sexuality will show up in different ways and at different times in her life. How she chooses to express that is really no one’s business.

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being sexual


“What worries me is that the pressure on women to appear sexual gets confused with being sexual.”

That’s an idea Walker Thornton brought up in the last post, and that really struck me. I can understand her concern, women putting more time into looking sexy and not enough time into actually enjoying their sexual selves, seems senseless.

Ideally though, I’d say that dressing should be a part of the sensual experience of life and an adjunct to sexual expression, that may or may not lead to actual sex.

I’m not just talking about wearing sexy lingerie in the boudoir. And I’m certainly not talking about the endless, baring, squeezing, waxing, tweezing, and painting rigmarole the end product of which people often call “sexiness.”

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what does a woman want?


What Does A Woman Want

As I said in Thursday’s post, for the next week, Walker Thornton and I are going to have a discussion, here, on my zine. We’re talking all things Donna Karan, Harvey Weinstein, and what women are asking for.

Please join us as we ask questions of each other, and ask your own questions, disagree, discuss.

My first question to Walker:

Why do we, as human beings, men and women, need to express our sexuality outwardly, with clothes, grooming, makeup, etc.?”

“I don’t think we do. Yet that’s what our culture would have us believe.

We’ve become a visual world and much of what we see—ads, magazines, movies, tells us that sexy is something we show, ignoring the more nuanced idea of feeling sexy.

Designers keep pushing that boundary farther and farther and now we equate cleavage, tight pants, and see-through clothing to true sexual expression.

To a lesser degree, it’s the same for men. But men have it easier. They can go gray and be distinguished; they’re not told their aging faces need fixing. They don’t need lush long lashes to appear attractive.

I view sexy as a feeling, an attitude—a way of looking and being in our own bodies. Granted it’s more subtle, but it’s also more authentic. The problem is that my approach isn’t going to generate a profit.

What worries me is that the pressure on women to appear sexual gets confused with being sexual.

I like to wear clothes that are flattering and occasionally I like to show a little cleavage. And that’s often about ‘me’ and how I feel about myself. But I also know that I can convey sexuality, when desired, in ways that have little to do with clothing. And, in all honesty there are times when I think about who I am dressing for.

Therein lies the dilemma—what’s natural desire and what’s decades of conditioning?”


See you Monday!